A very British nuclear attack.

I've been on Youtube again, the harbinger of doom. Here's a typically reserved civil defense film from the archives just so you know what is expected of you and your stiff upper lips when the bomb(s) start dropping...

More fun and informative films to follow!

The tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth...

My bloody teeth have a mind of their own. A couple of years back I had some (long overdue) work done at the dentists that cost a small fortune. To 'fill in the gaps' so to speak so my mouth didn't resemble the brow of Boot Hill anymore every time I smiled, which was admittedly rare.

Anyway the feckers now seem to want to undo all that effort and expense on their own, the willful little bastards!

One of them in particular has decided to arbitrarily move a little bit each day, or rather each night whilst I'm not looking, which is very underhand and just shows what a spineless coward he really is. He's the ring leader, I'm convinced of that. Once I've dealt with him the others will snap into line for sure. I swear one morning I'll wake up to find him kicking out at right angles like a dancers leg!

Fecking teeth! Eventually I'll get the opportunity to have a word with Him upstairs and humbly suggest that He may have erred slightly on the tegs front (particularly the front tegs)  and maybe we should all have had teeth made from stainless steel or something...

Anyway, been busy of late. If you're interested this is what my idle hands have been doing lately...
http://henhut-uk.com/

How are you lot?

Merry Christmas!

Too much of a good thing will lead to...

Whatever you're doing this Christmas, take it easy!

 See you next year.x

"Tickets please..."

I've written this post about five times now and it always ends up sounding like wet, soppy, self indulgent moaning shit, so I'll keep it blunt and short this time with no waffle.

The allotment is now gone (gone tomorrow actually) along with greenhouse, shed, rotorvator tools, long-term landscaping, animal husbandry and 'good-life' plans and (most importantly) my beloved chooks! The bees have decided to go of their own accord (ungrateful little bastards), sick of the lack of decent management of the collective.

The grass is as long as a swingers lawn, the rats have a bad attitude, the trees mope, fruitless in apathy. The neighbours are scum (sorry, but they are) and the general feeling when visiting the plot every morning and night is "do I really need this crap in my life, I mean really?"

The answer is of course, no. No I do not. There is usually more than enough of that 'here'. So with a heavy heart, I have let it all go. To a decent couple as it happens (a prerequisite on behalf of my lovely chickens who I will miss greatly). They have retired, these people. Officially sponging into old age as God intended and they now have the time, if not the stamina, to turn my plot into what it once was and perhaps could have been.

I hit a low point last week. I flipped out at one of the less pleasant 'local types' that have started to infiltrate the site, which is not like me at all (ahem). He had been asking for it though, so I don't feel toooooo bad. In my defence he did eventually come through the operation ok and made a full recovery, the garden hose reinstated on his allotment tap after being SAVAGELY SHOVED UP HIS ARSE!! (All thirty feet of it).

I was so tired and weary the other day I completely forgot to open one of the coop doors and only realised what I'd done when I came back at dusk to put them to bed! Not like me either.

The house is also on the market. Other things are also happening, some very nice indeed. Life changes are moving apace and it's a bit uncomfortable, all this change. But entirely necessary. I genuinely believe this.

Blogging has lapsed for a bit. In June I started a new venture which is already bearing fruit. It's hard, hard work. Very physically exhausting and as mentally challenging as my other business (licking stamps) but I am designing and making things with my hands this time and that is very rewarding indeed, expecially when folks actually part with hard earned money to buy it and others pass encouraging and admiring comments. More of that later.
 
Oh, and I seem to have 'found' Christ! Can't think how I lost Him in the first place. I suppose I'll have to at least stop swearing now, which is f**king me off no end, I can tell you. And I suppose I'll also have to cut back on the lust and fornication...?

One day at a time, sweet Jesus...

...and now July...

Like a bloody calendar this isn't it!

Arse in gear hopefully very shorly to resume service...

It's June!!!

Just saying...it's June not May as previously stated.

Been busy, but more of this drivel to follow soon...

It's May!!

How the hell did that happen?

Seems I've been rained indoors for an eternity which has dampened my mood somewhat. The veg plot is completely devoid of any new planting due to it resembling the Somme at the moment - the clay soil steadfastly refuses to dry out. This is p*ssing me off no end. I do have rhubarb to eat, managed to grow that so far (it grows itself - that's why!) so that's good. My stomach is likely to have other ideas about the wisdom of eating large quantities of rhubarb and custard though. I shall have to eat more grass and nettles to balance out the diet a bit. Please God send some SUN!

Let us pray...

...Dear Lord, please could you let the sun come out to play for all of the coming month. May my stomach recover from all that rhubard tart. Please Lord, could I win the lottery this Friday so I can buy some land in warmer climbs, somewhere the sun always shines, the people are nice, the women are single, desperate and plentiful. Yes Lord, please may I go to Wales!! Failing that, a 3 mile stretch of the African coast and a beach hut would do. I'm not fussy. Oh, and don't forget the money.

Thank you.

Amen.

We will now sing hymn number 208...Abide With me.

"Abide with me, fast falls the even...C'MON SING!...tide,..."

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