Tuesday, 9 October 2012

"Tickets please..."

I've written this post about five times now and it always ends up sounding like wet, soppy, self indulgent moaning shit, so I'll keep it blunt and short this time with no waffle.

The allotment is now gone (gone tomorrow actually) along with greenhouse, shed, rotorvator tools, long-term landscaping, animal husbandry and 'good-life' plans and (most importantly) my beloved chooks! The bees have decided to go of their own accord (ungrateful little bastards), sick of the lack of decent management of the collective.

The grass is as long as a swingers lawn, the rats have a bad attitude, the trees mope, fruitless in apathy. The neighbours are scum (sorry, but they are) and the general feeling when visiting the plot every morning and night is "do I really need this crap in my life, I mean really?"

The answer is of course, no. No I do not. There is usually more than enough of that 'here'. So with a heavy heart, I have let it all go. To a decent couple as it happens (a prerequisite on behalf of my lovely chickens who I will miss greatly). They have retired, these people. Officially sponging into old age as God intended and they now have the time, if not the stamina, to turn my plot into what it once was and perhaps could have been.

I hit a low point last week. I flipped out at one of the less pleasant 'local types' that have started to infiltrate the site, which is not like me at all (ahem). He had been asking for it though, so I don't feel toooooo bad. In my defence he did eventually come through the operation ok and made a full recovery, the garden hose reinstated on his allotment tap after being SAVAGELY SHOVED UP HIS ARSE!! (All thirty feet of it).

I was so tired and weary the other day I completely forgot to open one of the coop doors and only realised what I'd done when I came back at dusk to put them to bed! Not like me either.

The house is also on the market. Other things are also happening, some very nice indeed. Life changes are moving apace and it's a bit uncomfortable, all this change. But entirely necessary. I genuinely believe this.

Blogging has lapsed for a bit. In June I started a new venture which is already bearing fruit. It's hard, hard work. Very physically exhausting and as mentally challenging as my other business (licking stamps) but I am designing and making things with my hands this time and that is very rewarding indeed, expecially when folks actually part with hard earned money to buy it and others pass encouraging and admiring comments. More of that later.
 
Oh, and I seem to have 'found' Christ! Can't think how I lost Him in the first place. I suppose I'll have to at least stop swearing now, which is f**king me off no end, I can tell you. And I suppose I'll also have to cut back on the lust and fornication...?

One day at a time, sweet Jesus...








27 comments:

Tom Stephenson said...

And the catalyst for this mayhem, destruction and God-bothering was what?

John Gray said...

all I can say is
"well fuck me!"

Chris said...

Tom - probably just a dodgy curry...

John - isn't that what you ALWAYS say? haha

John Gray said...

Chris are u ok my old mate?

Cro Magnon said...

I was thinking of sending out a search-party! Sorry to hear about your new hobby.

Lady Mondegreen's Secret Garden said...

Moving on eh. Sounds like the right thing to do and I do enjoy the wee love spoon that I think you made for John to send to me. If you are selling your work that is very good news. All the Best

Sue said...

Really curious to know what your new venture is, but then I'm just a nosey old cow. Colonic irrigation maybe?

Devon Mama said...

Lovely to see you back. Very cathartic to let things go, that aren't working any more. Sounds like life is taking an exciting new turn (or turns!) these days...looking forward to hearing more Chris! On a side note, I was a binge drinking, chain smoking, foul mouthed lout before I let God sort me out. This was pre-children of course (thank the Lord!) I'm slightly better these days ;) xx

Hippo said...

Oh heck, does this mean my blog, which is a litany of lust, violence, foul language and irreverence (but not enough fornication) has just lost a reader?

Lisa @ Two Bears Farm said...

Your blog posts have been missed! Sounds like you've had some ups and downs, but hopefully more ups now. Can't wait to hear more about the new venture!

Amanda said...

sometimes, if things aren't working, the best thing to do is say "fuck it" and move on, either someplace else, or with something new entirely. glad to see you're back!!

megan blogs said...

Wow, and i thought my summer a busy one!

Glad your new venture is bearing fruit and hoping to hear a bit more about that when you've got a few minutes to scribble.

Change can be unsettling, even when it's clearly the best thing for all concerned.

Christ will love you, even if you swear. Perhaps just let off using His name in vain, and then attend to bollocks, fuck, and so on. Like a step-down programme.

Molly said...

Hey Chris - it's good to have you back, from both of us, (me and Him). Allotments are not always what they're cracked up to be.The new venture looks exciting - keep us informed and keep blogging when you have time (That's all I'm asking from you ....)

Chris said...

Cro - I have also lost a lot of weight so would now be easy to miss. My 'new' hobby is going ok though although it isn't doing my eyesight much good...

Jeneane - using the words 'love spoon' around Mr Gray is unwise for us fellas, very, very unwise...

Sue - thank you for offering but I'm ok at the moment. Maybe Mr Gray might enjoy a bit of that though...

Chris said...

Carly - so I have to give all that up?! You're kidding right?!!! Like your new blog thingy. Very posh!x

Gobber - You mean I have endured all those seven-thousand word posts and don't even get to see any nookie on your blog? There ought to be some kind of law...

Lisa - Lisa, Lisa, Lisa - what am I going to do with you (again!).

Amanda - I used to say exactly that alot! Suppose I'll have to find a suitable substitute for the 'f' word now, like, erm...


...erm...

Chris said...

Megan!! - I was just trying to clean up my foul mouth and then you go and say things like that. Fecking appauling language!

Molly - Hi!!
You're right of course, they aren't all that. I tried to do the 'love thy neighbour' bit and failed epically so I obviously have a very long way to go yet. It would all have been so much easier and nicer if they were like you lot!x

Jim said...

Good to see you Chris! Ignore my reply to your comment today, you have answered it here.
Don't you just LOVE those curves life throws at us?! I really think that is what life is all about....learning to deal with everything that happens to you and how to react and continue on!
Hey, if you figure it ALL out, please let this guy know.
Good for you on your new venture....I wish you all the success and more!! Oh yeah, say hi to Christ for me.....its been a while for me. I mean that in the best of ways.
All the best, Jim

Hippo said...

Chris,

You actually read all that stuff!

Wow!

I get bored just proof reading it.

The nieces will hopefully be visiting this weeked so I shall do you some eye candy with very few words as consolation for the lack of nookie (I was advised to only write about things I had experience of).

Mitchell is Moving said...

Sorry for your struggles. SO glad to see you back here! Can't wait to see what it is you've been creating.

No shit? Have you REALLY found Christ? I didn't know he was missing.

Chris said...

Jimbo - Ditto! As it happens I HAVE figured it all out. The answer, incredibly, really is 42!

Tom - well I skim-read it until I nod off, then put matchsticks under my eye-lids and force myself to read it by promising myself a treat at the end.

As an ex soldier I'm sure you've had far more than your fair share...in fact you've probably had my share!

Mitch - MIA now found again, although He does seem to have popped out at the moment...

Rebecca said...

Change, yuck.. But then again I hate it when everything stays the same. Best of luck :) And--keep us blog stalkers posted on what's new!

George said...

I want to know where my eggs are you promised me months ago? Iv starved myself waiting on them...lol, Sorry tohear Chris but am sure it will turn out OK in the end.

revisinglife said...

That 90 degree turn we are often forced to make in life often turns out to be right. Jesus made you do it?

I was pleasantly surprised after my own hiatus to see you back in blogland. Best of luck on your venture!

Janet

Mitchell is Moving said...

Hola, Chris. Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking about you. I'm especially concerned that you might have stopped swearing, lusting, and fornicating. I hope you've thought better of all that. Hope you're finding pleasure in the new venture. I look forward to hearing about it!

The Barefoot Crofter said...

Hi Chris - does this mean you are moving to Lewis?
xx

megan blogs said...

Hello, Chris.

It's November and just checking in.

Hippo said...

Chris,

I need Proof of Life before we either cough up the ransom or send a team in...