Be-Ro Bastardos

I've been a bit moody this week I suppose. A bit glum. A bit 'Victor Meldrew'. In fact a bit of a grumpy old bastard.

What I usually do to pull out of this kind of nose-dive (finances permitting - which they are not) is treat myself to something utterley frivolous and pointless. This time I've decided to lift my spirirts and extricate myself from the dog-house again by baking something tasty. A tasty treat.      (I don't need any more useless items of shit clogging up the already bulging closets).

Just add water...

I inherited my Nana's old Be-Ro cookery book from my Mum some time back. It's a pamphlet really, but is full of the most useful and simple cookery recipes you can find. No fancy ingredients involved. No need to travel on the back of a yak for 1200 miles to find them. No obscure herbs usually only to be found in a Chinese herbalists pants. No. Just honest to goodness things like lard (!!!) and sugar. (I replace the lard and butter with marg you'll be pleased to learn - coronary averted).

Dum dee dee, dee dum...

My Be-Ro book is encrusted with decades of dried-on fruit bits, fat stains, dusted with flour and glistening sugar and is in a generally 'well used' condition. In fact it's so covered in various cookery ingredients, it would probably be a reasonably tasty and nutritious meal in itself.

Anyway, I made some cherry scones...

...and a some jammy coconut madeleines.

Nurse!!!

Now I'm more at ease. I feel better for that.

If a little stodged. Fat bastardos.


PS. I went for the results yesterday. The tumour was benign! Relief all round here.  
Relieved fat bastardos...

"Jingle Bells"

I should be laid up, flat on my back today. Delightful though it may be, the thought of just gazing through the bedroom window up at the brooding sky all day is making me restless...

Sunny spells and showers - what a cop-out!

I had my 'orchidectomy' on Wednesday, which was a lot of fun, I can tell you.

I regret that I can't post a pic of the offending ball as threatened. It was apparently whipped away for dissecting and further tests and I have no pickled onions I can photograph it it's place!

I now have a new bollock 'fitted' that plays 'Jingle Bells' when it's in use (in use?!) and lights up in the dark, which is handy.

I had asked for 'She'll be Coming Round the Mountain When He Comes' as the tune but, as I'd not gone private, beggars can't be choosers.

I'm going off to gaze at the rain clouds again, now I've had a blog fix...

Balls!

I wasn't intending to write a post about this, but seeing as it is likely to have a potential impact on my ability to grow, fish or eat in the near future, why not...

About three weeks ago, I discovered a 'lump' down below. Not the usual two but an additional bump on the right testicle. I did the expected thing and trundled off to see my GP and after she groped and prodded my balls for a bit made an appointment for me at the hospital for further investigations the following week.

The following Friday, myself and my partner (for moral support) spent the morning at the swanky new hospital. The consultant (another woman, yay!) groped and prodded around with my balls again and told me that I shouldn't worry, there was a bump but I wasn't in the right 'age group' to be at risk of anything nasty. Off I went for a series of ultrasounds, x-rays and blood tests, being told all the way though the stuff about not being in the 'at risk' age group.

When I arrived back at the consultants office, another chap (senior consultant) was there to meet us. Yet another bod tickled my nuts for a bit and got us to sit down (honestly, I've never had so many women fondle my nuts in one day - except for that one occasion, but that's not for here!)

The nice senior chap quite calmly told me that actually it did appear to be a tumor and may be testicular cancer! Typical.

The bloods came back last week - clear. The x-ray - clear. I didn't know at the time but the chest x-ray was to determine if the cancer had spread to the lungs - very scary.

Anyway I have a choice now. Have the offending ball whipped off now (and dissected under a microscope to see if it is malignant) or wait six weeks for another ultrasound to see if the 'lump' has grown or whatever. 

Either way it looks like I'm going to be walking slightly lop-sided in the future.

Like I said either I'm going to be doing a lot less, growing, fishing and eating or a heck of a lot more! Hopefully the latter.