I made a trip into the city today for a client meeting to discuss a new building. Nothing special about that. I sometimes get jobs 'in person' rather than via phone or e-mail and have to attend a meeting in town. I took the tram for a change which winds its way from a park and ride, through the suburbs and into the heart of the busy city.
What struck me today though, as I sat observing the people around me, was how alien I felt. Not just amongst these people on the tram but also in the city. In fact, as I walked through the noisy streets after my meeting was over, I realised that I didn't belong here.
I worked in this city many years ago, and became quite cosmopolitan, a young man about town, in and out of bars and pubs, socialising here and there. It always felt very familiar to me. My town.
For some reason though, today I felt like I was on a day trip somewhere exotic, like an excursion to a strange foreign land where people spoke a different language.
It freaked me out a bit. After another tram ride I got back to the car with some relief, surrounding myself with the safe surroundings of the little cab.
It seems that since becoming self-employed over twelve years ago, I have apparently detached form my old life, the people I once knew and the things I once craved and pursued. Now I seem to be in limbo. Not where I was but not quite where I want to be either.
I read some of your blogs, people who have exited city life, the treadmill of work and the need to acquire 'stuff' to fit in with everyone else I think that is where I need to be. Today I realised that I have changed on a very deep level.
Like I said, nothing very special but a very profound day for me. I wonder where I'll end up...